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Legendary blues guitarist Robert Johnson is rumored to have sold his soul to the devil in exchange for mastery of his guitar. Homer Simpson traded his soul for a donut. Lyle Lovett obviously made a pact with Old Scratch for a shot at Julia Roberts back in the day (and it worked for awhile, but even the Prince of Darkness can only do so much).
Sure, I've been tempted before. You probably think just because I'm a brilliant columnist with supernatural Wii bowling skills and a great head of hair that perhaps I signed a sinister contract of some sort in order to attain my powers. If you also consider my freakish ping pong abilities, I can see how one might think I crossed over to the dark side. I assure you though, I draw my powers from the light and I only use them for good.
Anyway, if you're thinking about taking a trip to the crossroads for a deal on your next sport bike, there are a few things you should know before you sign the dotted line.
First of all, the devil does not ride a sport bike. He claims it's because a Harley is a much more dramatic way to make an entrance, but I know it's because he got whiskey throttle on an R1 during a dealership test ride once and looped it out in front of God and everybody. Boy was his face red!
Also, if any of the devil's minions offer you a killer deal on their used bikes, don't go for it no matter how tempting it may be - those guys NEVER change their oil, check tire pressures, or adjust chain tension. They may have the power to torment unsuspecting humans and wreak unholy havoc on the world and all that, but they are a lazy lot with no regard for general motorcycle maintenance. Trust me, those things are death traps.
Your best bet is to go to your trusty local dealership and negotiate a price which both you and the dealer can be happy with. Leave out the voodoo and blood pacts and do your pricing homework on the bike you want. It is also helpful to learn a little bit about how motorcycle dealerships operate. There are a lot of fees that can be avoided if you negotiate them out of the deal.
Also, it sometimes helps to buy any gear you need at the same time you buy your new ride. Markup in the parts department can be quite high (which means more profit), and if they know you're dropping some decent coin in there, they may be more willing to cut you a little extra slack on the price of the bike.
Remember, dealership salespeople aren't out to get you and many of them are dedicated motorcyclists who are just trying to make a living in an industry they love. They aren't spawned from the deepest reaches of that fiery underworld and they don't have horns. Although, it might not hurt to wear a few cloves of garlic around your neck and maybe carry a flask of holy water in your back pocket. Just in case.
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